Luvluvluv,

2010-08-17T04:38:00.000-07:00

someplace else.

Goodbye yoursweetembrace.

2010-07-29T15:06:00.000-07:00

Here I am, sitting on my chair at 6:05AM in the morning,

already dressed in my pinafore with my hair all nicely tied up. Yesterday night was unproductive, things just didn't go the way I wanted them to. Found out some stuff that made me terribly disappointed. Disappointed in who? Or rather, what. Me included. But then Daddy gave me this jar of M&Ms which said "Hannah, you're our winner! -Mom and Dad" which makes me wanna cry and feel all mushy inside. This morning I woke up and I remembered seeing you in my dream. Don't know about what and why. Suddenly remembered today was my last photo taking in PL and got really excited. Then I thought about SAJC's open house tmrw with my JC kids and got even more excited. Then this thought came into my mind, as though someone was speaking to me "Why are you feeling so excited? You didn't even study hard yesterday, how can you feel so happy?" My mood changed and I felt annoyed for nothing, started frowning and sulking throughout my morning routines. Don't know how to be genuinely happy anymore, I wonder if this is even healthy.

God, carry me on Your back.

Take me away.

2010-07-24T09:55:00.000-07:00

Went out with these two today after their Homecoming Service in PL and my English lessons in the morning :) It was a really good break, away from my usual muggings on Saturdays. I had real fun catching up with both of them and having heart 2 heart sessions :) PLPB is definitely not the same without them and I'm glad I met up with them today :)

So anyway I came home and did my usual skipping and decided not have dinner after that cos I wasn't hungryyyy. Ended up feeling really tired so I slept from 8-10PM and woke up to study Geog. It's currently 1AM now and I feel like burning my Pearson Longman TB because it's freaking wordy. Have I mentioned how much I love Friday and Saturday nights? Because I can stay up to study listening to my itunes. It allows me to shut myself out from the world for just a while.

Week 5's approaching and I can't believe 4 weeks have passed by. Soon it'll be the release of Chinese O levels results, Eng O level oral, Prelims and then O's. Actually, I don't mind pacing myself and doing real bad for Prelims. As long as I'm ready for O's, right? Hmm.

This is a boring post, bai.

2010-07-18T05:29:00.000-07:00

Seeing you today made me feel like my heart was being ripped open. One week of pulling myself together and closing the wound went down the drain, just like that. I thought I was okay but I guess I'm not strong enough. I broke down after service and I don't know why endless streams of tears started to trickle down my cheeks. I wasn't even thinking but I know my heart hurt. I just kept praying and praying and asked Him what I should do, and to take it away. God brought me Best and she walked over. The greatest feeling of all is to cry in your best friend's arms. She knew exactly the things I was crying about and she just hugged me and let me sob on her shirt. I tried to talk to her but I didn't know what to say. Then she whispered to me "It's not your fault okay?" "This is the last lap already, you really want this right? Don't give up k."

To think I distanced myself away from her the entire week because of you just makes me sad. This morning, I was so transparent and vulnerable in front of her and I'm really comforted to know that my best friend's here for me, loving me the way that I was despite how shitty I looked with my welled up eyes and mucus all over my face. For once, I feel happy because I know that there will always be that one person who I can truly believe and trust in and she won't ever hurt me the way you did. I love you Valery.

But despite all these, God told me to trust and love you unconditionally. As ironic as this sounds, I'm going to obey Him and do just that. It sounds loserish to want to cling onto something after what has happened, but if this honours Him then I don't mind being a fool for Christ. Hopefully one day you will come back and you'd learn how to enjoy our friendship again. I don't know when it would be, maybe never.

But I guess I just have to wait on Him.

2010-07-17T01:00:00.000-07:00

But God's still here :)

2010-07-14T07:59:00.001-07:00

What does it feel like to lose a friend. What does it feel like to be accused. What does it feel like to not have a chance to give a say. What does it feel like to be given up on. What does it feel like to cry before you sleep. What does it feel like to have your heart broken by that one friend you thought wld stick through it with you. What does it feel like to have one less significant person on your side. What does it feel like to read words you never though you'd read. What does it feel like to have that one line lingering in your mind the whole time, like it's haunting you, like it's bringing you down. What does it feel like to lose yourself because you have no confidence in bringing anyone smiles anymore. You know who you are doesn't depend on that one person who's happier without you, but yet you can't help but to think so. You feel like you're THAT detestable to be around.

Why did you have to make me this way. I'm nothing but a facade.

God, please help me to remember.

You've got nothing to prove Hann, and you don't need to.

Turn me to You, You're more than enough for me.

2010-07-12T07:36:00.000-07:00

lost.

2010-07-07T05:37:00.000-07:00

pathetic; adjective.

causing pity
weak and useless

2010-07-04T02:16:00.000-07:00

Between the lines, can you read me?
Between the lines, that's where I'll be
Between 'hello', and 'I would give you the moon'
Between 'I love you' and, 'I'll see you soon'.

I hope you do.

2010-07-03T04:05:00.001-07:00

Isn't this pretty? When the sun sets, this is the view from my window :)

Thank God I survived first week of school. Funny, it wasn't difficult to get back to my old school routine of waking up at 5:30AM in the morning, school, study and sleep. School has been pretty okay so far, but the stress is rolling in and we're all racing against time now. It can be pretty draining at times but I'm glad I have people are who running this race with me. You guys know who you are :) I was just telling Mom the other day about how God spoke to me in very obvious ways when I was losing focus. I am ever so thankful that God is right here with me. As much as I complain about being stressed by everything, the thought of my heavenly Daddy really pushes me on.

Thank You :)

My class has been the most lovable one ever. Honestly, I don't know how I'll survive next year without them because nothing beats 5 years of studying, playing and going through crap together. I'm thankful for the times we encouraged each other and cried together.

Thanking God for each and everyone of you :)

O level Chinese oral is on Friday and man, am I freaked. After letting my tutor take a look at my P2 I felt so doubtful about my marks again. Gotta stop thinking about it. ACJC/Poly talk and career day ytd made my future so uncertain again. It's like everything is a blur now and I feel so lost. God, point me back to You.

On a happier note, medium brother wong finally purchased the Coldplay version of Tap Tap! Imma happykid123 :))))))

"I will continue praying that you will start seeing how great a person you are.

I hope whatever I just typed actually made sense haha.

yeah but i really love you for who you are dear. really really do(:

Thank you for always thinking of me."

-Best

2010-06-28T07:29:00.000-07:00

Currently in the midst of so many things, but yet God is still there. And I am comforted and assured that I'm not alone. It has already been the first day of term III and I can already feel the pressure rolling in. Came home at 4:45pm and I felt so tired and lazy to do anything so I wasted my afternoon away. There's only about 12 more weeks to prelims and today we received our entry proof. I kept staring at it during my bus ride home. Everything just feels so numb right now, and I feel lost all over again.

What could I say, what could I do

But offer this heart oh God, completely to You

2010-06-25T06:13:00.000-07:00

Because You love me and I have nothing else to offer back but my life,

help me to be focused and fix my eyes on You and You alone.

2010-06-22T07:42:00.000-07:00

Today I realised that Gramps passed away two years ago in 2008.

It has been 2 years, time sure passes by real quick.

I've just been too busy with school and exams.

These 2 years came by so quick, and never did

I really stop and remember Grandpa (besides on his death anniversary)

and the moments we've shared.

It frightens me at how I might actually forget the things we did together

and the times we've had in the near future,

cus I can already feel myself forgetting everything now.

I don't want to just remember a face when I think of him.

Just what do I do when things pass by so quickly, making everything seem like a blur? I don't want to get used to his absence. I want to continue to linger in his smell and remember the times when he'd put his wrinkly hands on mine.

I miss you Grandpa :(

2010-06-21T10:06:00.000-07:00

Everytime I turn Marie-Anne on, I feel happy because this is my wallpaper.
I love my 4 year old CG :)

2010-06-18T00:59:00.000-07:00

I am blessed :)

Today after Chem tuition I realised that I haven't been buying anything from the GSS and I felt really upset. After all, it was the GSS and what have I been doing? Cooping myself at home and struggling with my studies. Felt like a loser, really. Then I started to ask God if this was all gna be worth it in the end. Will all these pay off? When I could be enjoying myself at town, shopping. But God reminded me that there are many more things more valuable than shopping and designer goods, and that's Family. So anyway, after tuition Mom and I headed over to my grandparents' house, yup the ones who aren't living with me. I don't go to their house that much, except on Chinese New Year. But once I entered the house I felt this warmth, this fuzzy feeling that definitely beats the happiness of trying on new clothes. Grandma dotes on me very much and so when I greeted her hello, she smiled from ear to ear. Grandpa got off the bed and asked me: "Have you been on a holiday??" and I just laughed. He is really cute. Grandma loves me so much that she has to give me food everytime I go to her house, even if we were just staying there for 20 minutes. She offered me ba zhang and a small banana. After eating the banana she gave me a packet of orange juice.

Then she said: "你的头发很长, waahhh, 很美很美" (your hair's so long, it's really pretty)

And at that moment I felt so loved because I hate my hair, it has alot of split ends and it curls in the most random directions. Before I left she gave me chocolate coins because she said no one eats them at home and she bought it for us, kids. They're in my fridge now :) On the way back, it just struck me. Why am I always chasing after worldly possessions when I already have more than enough? Yeah, I guess it's be good to have pretty clothes/bags/shoes, but hey, my family accepts me for who I am. And so does Daddy. There's no need to impress anyone. :)

So what did I get today? No Topshop clothes or Dorothy Perkins dresses, but 2 bazhangs made with love, a simple packet of orange juice, chocolates, a hug from Grandma, a pat on the back from Grandpa and smiles from them both.

And I guess I'm happy with just that :)

Thank you Daddy

2010-06-13T07:50:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

even in the midst of all things that are happening, I want to look to You. To take my eyes off the problems and uncertainties and seek You instead. I don't want to keep pondering about how dry this friendship is right now compared to last time becus it makes me question and doubt You. But I know that Your plans are unfolding right now, at this very moment, in these situations. And I'm going to trust that things will eventually turn out fine. I know you'll lead me through this and You love me very much. I love you too, Daddy.

2010-06-09T05:14:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

school's draining me out and so is studying.

I don't know if I can last till the end.

What now? :(

2010-06-04T02:11:00.000-07:00

Love iChatting with you babe,

we shld make it a daily thing when you're over in Aust the week after ;)

Okay before what's left of my readers scold me for not updating this space, I apologise :) There was Chinese O's and now my imaginary June holidays filled with intensive lessons and mugging. I really think no one visits this space anymore and I'm thinking of moving :) Finally after 4 years of yoursweetembrace, baby! I survived this terrible terrible week, but I'm glad God pulled me through. I can surely say that when you submit and really really surrender everything to Him, you'll feel so much better. I felt as if a really huge burden was lifted off me. I love you Daddy, really :) and You're the only Hope I'm clinging onto right now. I'm watching MuBank right now, and I think I'll miss my chance of seeing mblaq cus I need to get ready to leave for Chomp Chomp soon ugh, depressedkid93. Whoop finally going to meet Jill tmrw to study, catch up and stuff ourselves with lots of happy food. Baiiiii.

2010-05-25T05:10:00.001-07:00

I don't know why but today during Chinese intensive I thought of you.

I miss your presence, and

I recalled how you always gave me Chinese spelling when I was younger.

Even though you're not here anymore, I want to do my Chinese O's well for you.

I want to make you proud of me, ah ye

2010-05-21T11:00:00.000-07:00

It's 2am now and I just finished revising a theme of Geog. My hair's tied in a bun and little strands are sticking out. I look like a mess and I have puffy eyes because I don't remember crying this hard since last year. The past few days have been terrible. It's scary what exams can do to you, the way they make you feel so sad, disappointed, useless and dumb. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have to stop pretending that it doesn't hurt. Cus it does, it affects me so much that I don't feel like talking to anyone. I feel as if I can't face anyone. (except my classmates cus they truly understand how I'm feeling right now) I feel so aimless and I guess after holding back my tears for 2 days I cldn't anymore. I just cried, let out all the pain I was holding in. Kept thinking of how badly I did for my exams, how much I felt like a failure. Yeah it's only Mids, and I shld just move on but it was just as impt to me. And somehow I just felt like dwelling in this whole pool of sadness and disappointment for now. I hope tmrw wld be better, it's gna be a whole day of Chinese. Go Hann, B for Chinese please.

this time all I want is You
there is no one else
who can take Your place
this time you burned me with Your eyes
You see past all the lies
You take it all away
I've seen it all and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing You

I try to make my way to You
but still I feel so lost
I don't know what else I can do
I've seen it all and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing You

don't give up on me yet
don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
but don't let me stay here alone

2010-05-15T09:13:00.000-07:00

1) I wish it was Christmas again

2) I wld love to indulge in some good coffee at the moment.

---

Hello, here's a proper post. Mids are officially over and I'm pretty much disappointed with how I've managed my time. I really need to stop being so bias towards humans and neglect my math and sciences. But I am thankful I passed Chinese, a C6 but it's good enough. Chinese intensive has started and even though I'm dreading it I kinda want to get a B4 for O's. Really need to work hard now, Hann. Post mids has been awesome, though :) Chilling with the girls at the most random places made everything better. Been slacking this week away, and after that it'll be mugging time again. I really hope it'll be productive. Heh, cliche as it sounds right? It always backfires. Hmm. Today I headed out to town with Best. I really had a good time with her cus it's rare that we get to go out together. I enjoy listening about her touch rug trainings and her new friends :) So we went to Zara and I got me 2 tops :) Ate at HK Cafe for dinner and talked about everything. So thankful for how we are so transparent with each other :) We were supp to have some Mango dessert but we were so full that we cancelled it :( Sigh, it's already May and Chinese O's are at the end of the month. Time really flies, soon enough it'll be Prelims. Sigh, a bittersweet feeling really. Bitter cos I know everyday's gna be tough, being disciplined to study and not get distracted by dramas/youtube/songs/tv and sweet cos well, after 5 years of hard work it's finally here. I don't know how to feel actually. That aside, I'm lazing in bed now listening to John Mayer and texting Janice. I was just mentioning how much I hate it when something I want to keep private gets exposed. Like srsly, if I didn't tell you, it's obvious that I want to keep it to myself right? But ah well, what's done is done. I shall just sleep it off and let the voice of JM soothe the angst in me. Lol.

2010-05-13T07:09:00.001-07:00

Just like what John Mayer said,

"Just when I had you off my head, your voice comes crashing thrashing through my quiet bed."

Something from you always comes when I least expect it. Why?

2010-05-06T03:04:00.000-07:00

How come the only way

to know how high you get me
is to see how far I fall?

2010-05-03T01:55:00.001-07:00

This is going to be a boring post so unless you care about what's going on in my life I suggest you don't read, heh. Okay I just finished revising two big chapters of Geog and I can feel my brain exploding. I sense a headache coming. I really hope I can still recall all the factors and stuff. This long weekend was one filled with freaking outs, stress, tears and burning of the midnight oil. Funny how we're all studying out butts off just to prove ourselves for that <2hour paper. I think I can just faint thinking about the big O's. Yeah, I'm still scared of it. The night before Mids started I cldn't sleep cus I kept thinking the next day was O's. Things aren't going as planned, esp for Eng. I'm actually failing the practices we did in school. How can I fail Eng when I want an A1 sigh :< But then again I don't think I'm working hard enough. I'm just gna mug like crazy during June. Oh that reminds me, Chinese O's is just around the corner. How time flies~ I just want a D7 at least so that I'd still be applicable for JC. I don't even want to think about retaking it :< Like I'm very scared I'll disappoint people. My tutor and my parents esp. Like they support me so much okay. Sigh. But I'm still thankful for all my friends. Esp those on my Twitter list. Like everytime I tweet about how stressed I am, I'd get @s almost immediately. My classmates are exceptionally the best. Gladys, Janice, Bush, Bel and Alex. I love ya'll much. Anyway, despite the bad day I had ytd, texting you cheered me up. You make me smile and I can't wait for when we turn 25 and travel around the world together. :) One day when we're looking at the Northern lights we'd look back and remember :) Friday I bumped into B at the MacDonalds at central! It's been really long and I felt so nostalgic. :) Mmm during stressful times like these I think about you once in a while and I wonder if you actually hate me for saying those hurtful mean things to you. But you're better off without me, I can tell. Idk if this friendship is still gna work out or not. I guess time will tell. Funny how I'm talking about different people here. But ah well. Lastly, John Mayer is simply awesome. I spent the whole day listening to him. He helps me Battle Studies ;) (haha get it get it?) Have I mentioned how awesome his Live in L.A album is? ;)

2010-04-27T04:36:00.001-07:00

2010-04-24T05:04:00.000-07:00

I'm supposed to be taking a break off dramas but........
and it's not helping that my 2AM bias is acting in it

*_*

2010-04-23T09:28:00.000-07:00

Tonight was a good night, 4 hours of mugging for Geog : )
Plus lots of alone time in my room- just me and my music.

I like : )

PS: everyone should get Twitter, it's like we're in our own little world haha.
I love my twitter list, they are a bunch of entertaining people :)

I know I betrayed but I’m made to
Ignore the universe when I see you
Cause every night the stars will shine
Verging into U-turns times

2010-04-22T06:57:00.000-07:00

Today was a day full of thoughts but then again, I shouldn't think too much into things.

Today was our Science practical, I hope we'll all do well

cus I am really really bad at it esp in my theory.

Today Mrs Goh gave us apples. She's so encouraging,

I think she's the only Chinese tcher that made me improve. I want to do her proud.

Today Best called again, it's awesome how much she can make my day better

by just talking on the phone with me, even when the things we talk about ain't about me.

I am really so happy she is fitting in well in Poly and I am so proud of you Best :)

You're my pillar of support when I feel like everything is going wrong. I love you :)

Today's 2PM's comback and I just watched it. It was so good, so proud of you guys :)

But Khun's hair.... ~_~

Today I found my first song about you and somehow,

Indie songs remind me about you, is it a good thing? It's been 5 years.

Tomorrow marks the start of Midyears, it's scary.

In the blink of an eye, almost half the year is going to end

and then Chinese O's, prelims and the big nasty O's.

Next Wednesday Daniel is coming back, I simply cannot wait. :)

2010-04-19T05:35:00.000-07:00

Here's the long awaited update :)

So heARTbeat's finally over and there's no more cca! Freedom to go home and study :)

Mids are next week, so fast right, I know. Need to start working on it asap.

Today was the We R One cum 2.4 run.

After that the girls and I headed to Seoul Garden to eat our lunch.

Yumz, I had a blast :)

I've been sick these few days and I'm thinking if

I should skip school tmrw cus I'm having this very bad headache now :(

Ooooo look what came out today ;)

2010-04-18T07:13:00.000-07:00

longing to be that happy kid again.

2010-04-17T09:28:00.000-07:00

Feeling really

bleak

now.

2010-04-12T05:14:00.001-07:00

I miss this, so bad.

2010-04-11T02:50:00.000-07:00

Hiiiii fellow readers, so today's Sunday and the week has been really good :) God has been so real to me this week, and I find joy in honouring Him in the things I do :) The feeling is really really undescribable, like an outburst of happiness :)

So here I am in my brother's room waiting for my drama to load and thinking of what to blog about. This coming week's gna be pretty busy with heARTbeat rehearsals and the concert itself, not forgetting PL Inspirations (which I get to watch for free hehe^^) I am finally stepping down from Choir for good. Memories of being a level rep, SL, Head of Publicity and lastly the only sec 5, haha. A bittersweet feeling really. This year I got to know my juniors better and they are such a joy to be around :)

Guess what, I'm stuck on MBLAQ

~~and I always dance in my room when I listen to G.O.O.D Luv~~ :O

2010-04-09T10:09:00.000-07:00

because everyone has new favourites ;)

2010-04-07T07:37:00.000-07:00

Hiiiiiii

the week's been good so far, God has been good :)

Mids are near and Idk why I am not freaking out yet.

It's kind of bad that I'm feeling calm about things right?

Sigh, where's my sense of urgency :( Buck up Hannnnnnn.

David if you're reading this, I hope you're doing good in Aussie land!

The '93s misses you oh so very much and

I am glad you enjoyed your Christian camp :)

Have fun at orientation and school on Monday Tai :)

God's still holding you! :)

--

PS big brother wongggg is coming back soon EGGCITES!

2010-04-04T23:34:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter!

Jesus rose from the dead today and He is alive :)

Today's sermon was good and I could really relate to what Ps Shern shared.

Who am I?

I am a child of God- loved, blessed, redeemed and restored.

Thank you God for everything.

The blood, the nail pierced hands and Your faithfulness.

----

Anyway, here's a totally unrelated video.

I miss Japan and I wished I bought their album when I was there, sigh!

Ryuuta Yamamura has such nice eyes ;)

2010-04-02T09:48:00.000-07:00

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth to eternity.
--

It's Good Friday,

the day Jesus died for you and me. I need to remember that today isn't about me. It's about God's unending love for the world. Even as I struggle w everything right now, the only thing that keeps me going is Him. Yes there are times where I feel so tired of hanging on. But when people fail, when friends disappoint and when the problems get too big I know that there is Someone who will still continue believing in me and loving me.

Because He is faithful.

2010-03-29T03:56:00.000-07:00

The weekend we were in love.

So the Chinese test was not as difficult as I thought it would be. I was practically freaking out before the paper becus I felt so unprepared for it. Today was looooong and draggy. All two period lessons. I'm kinda happy I survived my Monday anyway. I'm going on a healthy diet. I had wholemeal bread w sliced bananas and yummy peanut butter on the inside. Andddd salad for lunch. Yums :)

Ohhhh it rained cats, dogs, elephants and sheep today. Like I was so squished in the bus stop cus of all the primary school kids.

Then Janice texted me and said:

"Our favourite weather, Hannah! :) I'm listening to James Morrison's album :)"

(yes I have awesome friends who have similar awesome taste in music)

All I could reply was:

"I'm like sweating like a pig. The bus stop is like packed like sardines okay. I'm dying."

Apparently she found that amusing, tsk. I sound like sucha killjoy haha. The ride home was pretty much enjoyable becus it was w Durka. It was amusing to tease her about this guy we saw along the way. Haha I'm kidding dear, hehe :)

So as I was saying, it was raining super heavily and I was desperately trying to flag a cab (together w Vino) but NO CAB STOPPED FOR ME. Thus, I took a bus back and did my English homework on the ride home. I was kinda happy cus I got my favourite seat :) During my walk home, my monkey red umbrella failed to keep me dry hence I was really drenched by the time I reached home. I felt like the walk took forever okayyyyy sigh.

Fun-O-Rama was fab on Saturday. But I was really drained by the time the day had ended. Saw a few familiar faces like the yellow badge batch people. Going there just made me think about the future again. I'm really scared of it, knowing the outside won't be as sheltered as PL. Cliche but true. Esp knowing my girls and my favourite class won't be there with me. Everything's so uncertain and it's something I'm still struggling with. Is that why I'm running away? Sometimes I think my dreams are too big for myself.

---

Here's a really nice song which fits perfectly with the weather :)
I love The Bathroom Girl :)

2010-03-27T06:31:00.000-07:00

I refuse because I chose to let my pride win.

I don't mean to be a killjoy. Fun-o-rama was fab, esp with my classmates.
But it got me thinking about the future again. I'm scared.

2010-03-25T02:53:00.000-07:00

My apologies for neglecting you dear blog. Well so last week David left for Aussie land and Sundays are definitely not the same without him. I hope you're doing really well there :) Take heart and see you in December.

We'll party ~~in the USA~~ cus the big O's wld be over~ Anticipate! :)

Today was Sports Day. Awesome stuff, except that my body was still aching cus of PE ytd. But all's good. Slacked off during duty ~~(or rather, I was kinda redundant hanging arnd the competitors area)~~ and hung arnd w Amanda at Archer. Yada yada yada nothing special happened and then the girls and I headed to Jalan Kayu to eat prata when everything was over.

The weather was like shiok only :)

Your sweet moonbeam,
the smell of you in every single dream I dream
I knew when we collided,
you're the one I have decided who's one of my kind

2010-03-24T07:27:00.001-07:00

2010-03-17T23:34:00.000-07:00

I had a good walk home today after school. My "for the long rides home" playlist was on and the weather was kinda perfect. I actually like the long stretch of road leading to my house. I didn't have alot on my mind, and John Mayer makes me feel calm and happy. Love his lyrics, really. It was a good time of aloneness. Maybe that's what I need now. I wore my favourite pair of sneakers to school today. I feel the most comfortable in them. Why wear heels when you can wear sneakers right?

~~Yep I shld enjoy life bfore you come back.~~

2010-03-16T08:45:00.001-07:00

2010-03-15T06:57:00.000-07:00

songs for you, truths for me.

~~I will really miss this, but I'll save the emotional stuff for Thurs.~~

HI HELLO,

Sometimes I wonder if being so numb about things is actually a good thing. Have you ever felt so numb that you don't feel sad when you're supposed to be, or angry? Maybe it's because the same old phase keeps happening again and you kind of expected things to be this way. Or maybe you can't be bothered. Well, actually you do but you know that nothing you say is going to help. It's funny how people tell me they need time. How much, exactly, is enough? Because I strongly believe that once you keep saying that, things start to fade. After being away for so long, it's never going to be the same anymore. It's lost. It's gone, just like that.

Another thing, everything happens for a reason. Something struck me one day, the reason why I lost my phone. That ONE time I put it aside in the toilet and it's that ONE time I forget about it. I guess it was God telling me to let go of things. Maybe I wasn't listening in the past, or my stubborn self chose to shut Him out. That's why He had to make me listen through the hard way- losing my phone. Not forgetting, its contents. I've learnt :)

Nevertheless, I am thankful for friends who keep me sane. You guys know who you are. I am thankful for my girls who are ever so joyful and I always feel so encouraged when I'm around them. Even after that one day after I lost my phone and they made me forget my worry. Being around them makes me so happy, I dare not think about next year without them. For the most awesome usual '93 gang. It's a pity we got so much closer and then Tai has to leave soon. I'm thankful for all the things we did together, the many inside jokes likes MOVE IT, LADY! Irreplaceable moments, really. Lastly, for my dearest CG, I miss you guys so much. Last Sunday was one of our very proper BS sessions in a long while. I love how we're 17 and 18 but we're still so playful about things. Learning together, walking together, growing together :)

Somehow listening to James Morrison gives me the i-wanna-get-outta-here feeling again. I always picture myself in another place and in a yellow cab. I'd be staring out of the window and watching the raindrops race each other down. The night sky's filled w plentiful of stars and city lights look like neverending neon lighted threads zooming by. I'd have my earplugs in with my favourite playlist playing. I reach my destination, order a cup of Caramel flavoured coffee and snuggle in my favourite couch in Starbucks- doodling, reading and writing. Alone time, I guess :)

2010-03-13T21:36:00.000-08:00

2010-03-11T07:16:00.000-08:00

When you are so distant and apart from the other, you realise that you're actually okay on your own. You're used to life without the other because the many challenges you face make you stronger, braver and numb. After thinking it through, you start to realise that life is actually so much better and greater. Esp when God tells you of how much he loves you unconditionally and even in your weaknesses. And in the end, after all the tears, fears, insecurity and hurt, God IS the only thing you ever needed. X X X

2010-03-10T03:08:00.000-08:00

I lost my phone again.

I feel like crap now, really. What Mom said was true. I've lost 3 phones in my 17 years and none of my family members lost 1 before. As cliche as it sounds, I wldn't have placed my phone there and forget all about it. It makes me sad that I've disappointed my parents again, even after they entrusted me w a new model. My phone isn't nearly 6 months old. And yknow what? I just really feel like crap cos it was my fault and I know it.

But even in such circumstances, I still thank God becos:

I did not lose my camera/wallet that was in my bag
I had the most helpful friends who tried helping me look for it
my parents did not yell at me at the top of their lungs (either that or it's coming soon)
I am reminded about being careful about my belongings
I'll be using my Sony Ericsson K800i (again) and I can use the pretty lanyard I bought last year

I will miss you, Freddy :( Really.

2010-03-07T05:55:00.000-08:00

That's why I love you :)

Yesterday was pretty much awesome. I headed over to Best's house, thinking that I was gna lepak there for the whole aftnoon but when I stepped into the house I saw pretty balloons and a picnic mat on the floor. There were flowers and pictures and they were all my favourite things :) I am really so blessed to have you guys as my awesome friends. You guys are the greatest, most amusing, loving batch people ever :-) Thank you so so so so much xxxx

PS: That huge mahjong paper is on my wall now, and each time I walk into my room I feel so loved and blessed by y'all. Gee ;-)

2010-03-04T03:46:00.001-08:00

2010-03-03T02:03:00.000-08:00

"On your birthday you'd assume that all's gna be happy but the truth is you'll find out a lot of things." -Durka

You can say this year's birthday was filled w plenty of thoughts, memories and wishes. I was on the phone w Durka ytd after school and what she said above was so true. Call me a killjoy, but on your birthday you'd actually realise who are the ones you can count and lean on. Who are the one's who bother to go out an extra step by sending a text or write on your fb wall, at the very least, to make your birthday a special one. Truth is, the ones who forget are often the ones you love the most, the least expected. And sometimes, it kinda hurts to know that the time you've given into that particular friendship result in nothing. I suppose that was why my day didn't end well. I cld do away w all the birthday wishes in my inbox and on my fb wall from people I hardly know, whom I don't even talk to and get that one text/wish from the close people who forgot. I suppose people change, and I shld stop expecting so much from them. So what if I give so much? Jesus said it's better to give than to receive.

Nevertheless, thank you for alllll the things you guys have done yesterday. From the many texts I received to that lovely Mango cake-cutting ceremony+birthday song singing from my beloved class to that small slice of cake from Shan. Thank you Daddy and Mommy for that awesome (and expensive-really, Idk why you guys ordered so much beef?!) dinner on Sunday, Kor and Crys for the Zara voucher and David/Val for popping over last night w flowers and goodies.

I love you all so much (: (:

Talking about Change, I've come to a realisation that maybe the one who's changing was me all along. I just kept pushing the blame on others, on why things are different. I can feel it, I'm changing to a person I've always stopped myself from becoming. There were so many times I felt like just breaking down on the spot but I forced myself not to cry. The reason why? I suppose I'm so afraid of the people around me changing that I changed myself first so that I could get used to the difference in the future (which I'm certain would come) Am I making sense? However, today in Chapel, one thing that hit me was that I have an unchanging God. One who I can lean on when the world is falling apart. I find so much comfort in being in the presence of God, I cannot put up a front in front of Him. His presence is just so powerful that when I'm around Him I have to break down and open my heart. I'm at a loss, a mess, a girl who has lost her way. I don't know where to go from here, really. I need to focus and I need God.

Above all else.

2010-02-26T03:12:00.001-08:00

I'm happy today :)

because it finally rained.

(although it was pretty humid ugh)

I got the window seat on the bus and I watched the raindrops trickle down the glass windows. The air-con was so cold (and shiok) that when I got off my glasses were 90% fogged up. I took out my red monkey umbrella and I walked home. Nice, really nice :-)

Although things have been kinda crap in school (I gotta feeling I'm in 3 teachers' bad books) I thank God for the little things He has shown me. It came in the most unexpected ways. I'm really happy I passed for overall Geog becus my assignment marks pulled it up.

The sunshine kid's learning to find joy again :-)

2010-02-23T04:10:00.000-08:00

Who am I kidding,

I had a bad day and I'm not okay :-(

2010-02-21T05:41:00.000-08:00

Hey guys :-)

I can sort of say that I am ready for my AMaths test tmrw. That's a first, haha. I'm not asking for much really, I don't expect a sudden B3 something. I know where I've improved, all thanks to God. Really, after 2 years I can finally solve a proving identities question and Trigo equations all by myself. He has been so real to me :-)

Thank You, the sunshine kid is learning to count her blessings :-)

Well, I suppose the week ahead is gunna be the release of results from our tests. And honestly Idk how to feel, I'm just hoping for the best. I know God will pull me through anyway :-) Ohhh and I really hope my Kikki.K diary is in school becus I cannot find it at home! I will really be so supa sad if it isn't you know (crosses fingers)

I pray that all you readers out there would have a fabulous week too.

Well if otherwise, at least there are always friends to make it better :-)

I WISH I COULD DRIVE AWAY TO THE SUNSET

BACK TO THE DAY THAT WE FIRST MET

ONLY BELIEVE THE THINGS I WROTE

I'LL WRITE IT IN A NOTE

I'LL CROSS MY T'S AND NOT MY I'S

BETTER SAY HELLO DON'T YOU DARE SAY GOODBYE

I'LL WRITE SINCERELY YOURS AND SIGN MY NAME

PS I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND TODAY.

2010-02-19T08:10:00.000-08:00

Things to be thankful for today

Bio paper was pretty manageable.
Chinese was interesting, we watched a video. Janice and I were squealing about how adorable the Japanese kids were, haha.
The aftermath of pe was really funny, I love my class.
I love how Fridays end off w Geography, Ms Lim is the best ever :-)
Mommy was free to fetch me home from school (means no walking under the hot sun)

Just now I was trying to study Trig and there wasn't any progress at all :-(

Woe is me. Not a big fan of Trig. At all. :-(

Justin Bieber's MVs are pretty awkward bcus he tries too hard to be mature and stuff :/ Ludacris looks so out of place haha. I rmb watching his videos before he became all famous and he was good. Now he's just overrated and I still can't figure out why he's on Twitter's trending topics ALL the time (ok but i gotta admit he has nice hair)

On a happier note,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANICE!

I rmb we got close in sec 3 cus of GG and BOF :-) And I'm so thankful for all the small talks that led our friendship to greater heights :-) School life would never be the same without you, my dearest Cheena pard (who ditched me for Chicken Rice) Thank you for all the times we shared w each other and for listening :-) All the 2wewe moments and our silly ''..you never notice me...!!" conversations. It's really cool we have almost similar taste in (some) movies and music like SMOKE GETS IN YOUR EYES haha :-) I hope you'll enjoy your birthday w your family and friends dear, be a happy kid :-) I love you so much! xxx

2010-02-17T05:13:00.000-08:00

If only I don't bend and break,

I'll meet you on the other side.

My favourite cg on Chinese New Year :-)

Anyway, the CNY break was great. Allowed me to take my mind off school and relax for 2 days. CNY definitely isn't the same without Ye ye, Aunty Josie and Daniel. Family seemed small this time but still thankful anyways. Caught Valentine's Day the next day w the girls, awesome show. It's like Love Actually except that it's on valentine's day instead of Christmas (ahhh I miss Christmas) Ate at White Dog Cafe after that and got birthday presents for Kor and Marc :-)

I'm listening to Keane all over again. I rmb how I'd use to listen to Crystal Ball in sec 1. I like :-) Cts are almost over, and I gotta feeling I'm gna be dead meat for Amath. (ha, what's new?) Haven't touched it yet and it's on my worst topic- Trigo. Why can't it be Log or something. Sigh~

At times like these, I always think about the things that make me happy. Long walks on the beach, banana smoothies, chilling at Starbucks on a rainy day, stayovers at Best's, shopping, taking really pretty pictures, watching city lights w JM and Keane playing on my ipod, Disneyland and bookstores. All this while I've been thinking about how I need a new environment, go on an adventure for once. Leave everything that tied me down here and start anew. But really? Can I really bear to leave the ones I love? I don't know. Wherever God leads me, and in 3 years His plan will unfold.

ONE DAY I WILL BE
BACK IN OUR OLD STREET
SAFE FROM THE NOISE THAT'S
FALLING AROUND ME

AND WE'LL RELEASE THIS TOWN FROM THE PEOPLE
WHO ARE TRYING TO KNOCK IT DOWN
AND THEN ONLY CITY LIGHTS WILL BRIGHTEN THE NIGHT SKY
AND THERE WILL BE NO SOUND

~~hctfwowifsthreatenedaf?yaosensitivetamsfa.tiyasillyt.~~

2010-02-15T22:58:00.000-08:00

A Math groupie ~

2010-02-15T21:47:00.000-08:00

14th February.

Chinese New Year, Valentine's Day and Friendship Day.

It's so ironic cus I think I messed up one of my most treasured friendships ever. ~~Or at least I think so.~~ Funny thing is, I've been holding so many things in these months and last night I cldn't anymore. But how come I don't feel good about it? Maybe cus I hurt the other party? Becus I didn't ask myself WWJD before reacting? But isn't honesty the base of a friendship? If I didn't say anything, it'll be all a lie, and insincerity. I apologised, and it's up to you if you want to accept it, after all the times I did for you. It's your choice if you want to work on it or not. There's a thin line between plain friends and close friends. Don't stereotype me again, or the situation.

Like what John Mayer said: "Would you still love me when I'm not myself?"

I started drawing again, maybe cus of all the inspirational drawings I've stumbled upon tumblrs and Peyton from OTH. Haven't touched my sketchbook since December 2009. And I drew this. Trust is like an unstable bridge. When it breaks, would you take that risk to go near it to fix it? What if there's still hope becus it's hanging by a partially torn rope?

I know, it's cheesy. But true.

Anyway, I'm stuck on Goodbye and Go by Imogen Heap! Not your everyday kinda song but oh so catchy :-) "Oh why'd you have to be so cute? It's impossible to ignore you. Must you make me laugh so much? It's bad enough we get along so well. Just goodnight and go"

Here's to all you happy angbao receivers, loving couples and my awesome friends. Hope your 14th Feb was better than mine :-)

Love, Hannah.

2010-02-13T18:32:00.000-08:00

Dear God,

I have so many dreams but I often feel small.

I want to be that creative and inspirational- someone who can express herself in her own little ways. I want to be someone different, but not outstanding. I want to be able to draw like that. I guess I'm just a girl with big dreams. Dreams that always feel so far away and impossible to come true. I'm humbly come to You. Guide me. Lead me. Show me.

Yet not my will but Yours be done.

Love, Hannah.

2010-02-11T04:38:00.001-08:00

"I think happy is an understatement there,

it's more like the perfect day :)"

Today was really good, thank You God.
(and thank you too, for making it better :-))

2010-02-10T07:05:00.001-08:00

2010-02-09T13:53:00.000-08:00

Love is waiting- Brooke Fraser

I could write a million songs about the way you say my name
I could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again
and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start,
neither should I rush my way into your heart

2010-02-09T03:34:00.000-08:00

Happy splendid 17th!

Thank God for placing you on Earth 17 years ago :) You've been such a blessing to me. I rmb when we were in sunday school and we never talked at all! Then when we went to YM we got to know each other better. I'll never forget all the silly long phone calls we had that year. Zoom, 5 years have passed. Thanks for being that older brother, the one who sent me awesome MCS songs and what not, the one who I can never stay angry at for long, who bought me the Bolt plushie from USA, who prayed for me on Omega Night, the one who believes that I will make it to __JC and I wld wear that exact same orientation shirt that says Orientation '11. Can't possibly list everything down right? Hope you enjoyed your day and continue to shine for Christ k, Kor :)

Love xxxx Hannah :)

PS I can't wait for the long weekends to come seriously. And then Monday I'm finally going out w the usuals to catch a movie aft visiting Mdm Ho/Mrs Wong. You don't know how excited I am for it. I'm like ending at 6 everyday when it's supposed to be the CT period.

I will get through this crap. I will.

2010-02-07T07:36:00.000-08:00

I know I've not been updating this space much.

I'll be back when I finally have time and the mood to.

Hannah, whatever happened to your tweet that said '#in2010 I will be happier' ?

2010-02-05T01:49:00.000-08:00

This sounds so Ne-yo but I like (:

2010-02-02T04:36:00.001-08:00

Just as I was about to complain about the noisy neighbours downstairs, I stopped at my window. I peered out, and I noticed a brightly lighted birthday cake, people gathered around the wooden table and bits of party decorations. As laughter filled the air, I started to think to myself- when was the last time I was truly happy? Though we were 9 floors apart, I could somehow feel the warmth and I found myself longing to be part of that happy atmosphere. Birthday's exactly one month away, and it's true when they say as you grow older, the less excited you become. I can't really describe it, but let's just say it hit me like a huge tsunami wave. I think I need a great big getaway. Someplace I can start anew and not worry about stuff here. Someplace where I can feel happy just by looking at the city lights listening to John Mayer playing on my iPod. This post doesn't even make sense, now does it? Everything's in bits and pieces. I think I need a breather. I think I need to get back on track. I don't wanna grow older, I don't wanna turn 17. As you grow older, there's just too many responsibilities and things you need to do. And you're forced to be independent. But what if I'm a dependent person? What if I need people to be around? Oh gosh, what's a girl like me to do? :/ I need a life.

2010-02-02T02:38:00.000-08:00

Can you stay with me
I see life and love in technicolor
Never want to find another

2010-02-01T07:16:00.001-08:00

This is me, feeling lost all over again. I thought I had it, I really thought I did. Sometimes it's really hard. School becomes so mundane, friends come and go and they move on without you, work continue to pile up and all these just make your motivation for studying fade away. Everything's overwhelming. I should stop feeling insecure about things. I must learn to trust again. I need to find a reason to carry on. I want things to go back to how they were. But it's just so hard, I am already trying so much. Sometimes I just feel like you don't care enough. And yes this is about you, you know it. I am just so.. tired and drained. But yet again, I don't think I'm doing enough. I think I contradict myself. Funny.

On the side note, Min-hee this is for you :)

(hears Minho's fanboy screaming)

2010-01-31T07:36:00.000-08:00

One day

when I wake up and all I think about are pretty things,

that's when I know I'm truly happy.

2010-01-30T03:42:00.000-08:00

BACK FROM CAMP and I somehow feel motivated.
The workshops are like incredible.
They were really good, and I guess it was worth it to pay $100+ for it :)

I can't express how much I love my class. We did so well together as a team.

How we came up w such a silly cheer, and making the best out of it.

And I know that tears were shed because we really loved each other so much and we care.

I don't think other classes were that affected because

nothing beats 5 years of friendship and being together, really.

Sentosa was tough but we went through it together and made it :)

I am really happy (tired and red too)

and it was indeed a camp I'll never forget :)

5A2, HOO-HA!

"Sometimes you have to test someone. Not because you don't trust them, but to see how much they'll sacrifice for you. And sometimes you have to let them go, not because you suddenly stopped loving them but to see if they love you enough to come back."

I miss you, so what?

2010-01-28T06:36:00.001-08:00

First off, I can't keep a promise, I'm no one to count on at all.
Add on that I'm a coward, too scared to return your call.

But you don't care, you keep sticking around

while I'm acting a clown, you're bigger.

'Cause you're still here, your feet stuck to the ground

despite how silly it sounds, you're bigger than me.

---

MM CAMP TMRW SEE YOU IN 2 DAYS :)
-

~~wished you remembered.~~you did.

2010-01-26T05:20:00.000-08:00

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

"God's way is not my way, but it's still the best."

2010-01-24T14:21:00.001-08:00

2010-01-22T08:49:00.000-08:00

Okay I just realised they (^) look creepy and cute at the same time.

But I smiled when I saw that picture on Tumblr :)

Well, TGI Friday! (as Janice says it)

This week had its ups and downs, but I'm glad I went through it.

I am really so so happy that it's the weekends. But ahh, there are quizzes next week.

Gotta start mugging again :/ It just never stops, does it?

I'm kinda psyched for Chinese New Year and Idk why.

Oh, I just remembered that my tests are smacked in the middle of this festive season. Arggg like srsly!?

Now I can't even eat my Ba Kwa and Pineapple Tarts in peace :(

So anyway, John Mayer, Colbie Caillat and BLG made my night :)

I can just listen to my "for the long train rides home" playlist over and over again.

And it's good for studying too, me likey :>

Everyone should really listen to "Go" by Boys Like Girls because it is a beautiful song w meaningful lyrics.

It has been on repeat mode already :>

Little change of the heart
Little light in the dark
Little hope that you just might find your way up out of here
‘Cause you’ve been hiding for days
Wasted and wasting away
But I got a little hope that today you’ll face your fears

Yeah I know that it’s not easy
I know that it’s so hard
Follow the lights to the city
And get up and

Go, take a chance and be strong
Or you could spend your whole life holding on
Don’t look back just go,
Take a breath, move along
Or you could spend your whole life holding on
You could spend your whole life holding on

2010-01-21T05:33:00.000-08:00

All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye

(John Mayer)

Just when I had you off my head
Your voice comes thrashing wildly through my quiet bed
You say you wanna try again
But I've tried everything but giving in

I bought a ticket on a plane
And by the time it landed you had gone again
I love you more than songs can say
But I can't keep running after yesterday

Why you wanna break my heart again
Why am I gonna let you try

When all we ever do is say goodbye
All we ever do is say goodbye
All we ever do is say goodbye
All we ever do is say goodbye

2010-01-20T23:37:00.000-08:00

Today was good :)

Wednesdays are officially my favouritest day! It's the only day I can leave school early and come home. And there was chapel today too. It was so good :) Got reminded of God's love, that's what I really needed. Then on my way home I bought MANGO MILK to replace the Mango Milktea I've been craving for since forever ugh!! Anyway that really made me happy :)

Then I came home and found this. It's... perfect.

(And I really love how he waves :>)

sometimes I wonder if we're too different to be true.

2010-01-19T14:08:00.001-08:00

I want to run

but only far enough to make you miss me.

2010-01-18T21:17:00.000-08:00

Today was sucha a bad day.

School was draggy, and almost everything I studied for Chinese didn't come out.

I spent 3 days on that :( I tried doing work just now but I broke down halfway.

I can't even mug properly. In the end I had a headache and I stopped at 9pm.

Sigh, I'm sucha loser. And I'm tired, really.

2010-01-16T07:55:00.000-08:00

Count my blessings. Stop comparing. Stop envying.

Be thankful and find joy.

2010-01-15T09:33:00.000-08:00

TGIF (:

I am so happy I survived Friday! Timetable's gna change again next week and it's even worse! Okay no complains, Hannah. I've got like a Chinese test on Monday so I was memorising all the chengyus, yanyus and whatnots. I've got like Chem, Lit, AMath homework. And so many things to revise like EMath and Bio. Work overload uh, srsly. Anyway, Dad's MacPro arrived and it's freaking huge. And I'm using his MacBook now. I likeee :) It's 1:40am now and I'm tireddddd, but I'm gna read one chapter of Bio before I sleep.

Always saw this day coming. The day I'd decide to stop, because it's emotionally tiring. The day I'd finally let go because I want to, and not because people tell me to. The day when you might not be there for me, because you've got your own problems too. I need to be independent, strong and brave. I'm not even talking about the same person.

2010-01-15T07:38:00.001-08:00

2010-01-13T01:22:00.001-08:00

I like how he can take such an overrated and overplayed song and make it sound so new.
That's my Joseph Vincent, Youtube's Artist of the Year :)

2010-01-12T03:45:00.000-08:00

Today's study session at Bishan lib didn't turn out quite as expected. But oh well, at least I got to finish my homework and I started on my Geog notes :) O levels results got released ytd, and being in the hall really gave me the jibbers. Seeing people cry made me feel afraid that I'll be like that next year too. I really hope this motivation of mine stays throughout the year and not fade away soon. No one cares about N levels anymore, who cares if you scored below 10 points.
O levels is O levels, full stop.

Anyway, I can't believe this whole phase is happening again. I guess some friends just come and go. I miss talking to you, and how you'd miss call me when you see how upset I sound on my statuses. It's sad that you're so caught up in your own little world full of activities and making new friends w everyone. I haven't talked to you in 7 months, I counted. Can't believe I really tried so hard. Haha, but what's new right?

I've got Heechul w me, and he disapproves.

2010-01-11T05:45:00.000-08:00

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit,
but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

Philippians 2:3

Mmm, Lord please help me :<

2010-01-10T22:03:00.000-08:00

This morning I sat in the 24/7 prayer room w my back leaning against the wall and legs stretched out on the mat. Soft beams of sunlight shone through the glass windows as I came to the Lord w nothing much to offer. Just an ipod, a bible and an empty and weary heart. Yet, God spoke to me in so many ways. He said He would be by my side, that He would continue saving me because He's my savior. He reminded me that He is Lord, and the One who calmed the raging seas. He assured me that He was and is the world's solution. What touched me most was that He reminded me that I was His beloved. I took that time to seek God, and I finally wrote down my new year resolutions.
All 5 of them was included Him, because He is all that I need and have.
I love you Jesus :)

2010-01-08T07:48:00.000-08:00

I like ^^

The first week of school is finally over and man was it tiring. I don't rmb feeling so drained before, and time really crawled by so slowly. Luckily I have an awesome class who keeps me sane. Take today for example, the first time I laughed this hard in 2010. I guess I need to let my hair down once in a while (right, Janice?)

Anyway, check out the Youchoob video in my previous entry!! It's awesome. :) Oh dang, I've got to go to school early in the morning for CCA fair ~~(there goes my one and only chance of sleeping in)~~ Church in the aftnoon and Audrey's 21st at night. I hope I have a good hair day tmrw :)

I am hungry and Idk why, becos I ate Subway just now. (thanks M!) I guess it's cos I forgot to eat lunch today. I can't believe I skipped dinner two nights in a row too. I need to stop skipping my meals. My tummy is being annoying, it's growling and I'm too lazy to walk to the kitchen :/

Staring right back in the face
A memory can't be erased
I know, because I tried
Start to feel the emptiness
And everything I'm gonna miss
I know, that I can't hide

2010-01-07T07:40:00.001-08:00

2010-01-05T02:19:00.000-08:00

Okay felt like it's time for a post! But not about Japan though, I'm kinda lazy. Overall it was great uh :) But nothing beats Singapore. I missed home so much :)

Anyway, school has been pretty much fine. But all the O levels talk, scaring the crap outta me uh. Like Chinese O's in 16 weeks. I've never been so determined to pass my Chinese, neither have I been that eager to start my Chinese tuition tmrw. Idk, I just want to do the best that I can this year. Like I know it's gna be twice as hard, and I gotta be twice as disciplined and hardworking than last year. It's no joking matter. Right now, if you ask me, I don't mind studying my butt off everyday after school and coop myself in my room. Yeah, I am that scared.

It's already 2010 and the second day of school. I know it's just gna pass by super quickly. And one day I'll finally look back and laugh at all the stupid things we did in school the past 5 years. Come to think of it, I'll miss PL and I don't really want to leave :(

But ohwell, the girls have been really great! Today we stood infront of the teacher family tree chart and started laughing uncontrollably at the most random stuff. Yeeks was sick today though, get well soon babe. Right, I need to go do work now. Toodle loo!

2010-01-04T06:56:00.000-08:00

Japan was awesome, but now it's back to school :)

2009-12-20T03:36:00.000-08:00

Leaving in like 45 minutes to the airport! Oh my it's getting quite exciting actually, ~~when I don't think of missing Christmas w my friends and all.~~ And Rhuenz and Janice are coming to send me off, my friends are really the sweetest :) Oh, and I might meet Tai like in Japan too, like on the 31st. ^^

SEE YOU IN 2010!

Now, I shall leave you w this picture of
the people I'd miss spending Christmas w:

2009-12-19T21:07:00.000-08:00

I AM SO SO SO PROUD OF MY FRIENDS WHO DID REALLY WELL FOR N'S!!

Esp Hazel and Deeksha who got interviewed! I was so amused by Hazel's "my mom is gna get me an ipod!!" haha. Laughed at myself on TV because I rmb pulling Bel and pretending to engage in conversations near the camera.

God really held on to us, thank You :-)

2009-12-17T14:35:00.000-08:00

So ytd a bunch of us headed to Kor's house. It was so scary watching Zeken play Assassin's Creed because it was so violent and bloody. Eliza and I were screaming alot and were so worried that he might get killed. Haha Janice, now I know why you like it. You're right, the graphics are really good! :O Anyway back to it. I totally owned Tai in Need for Speed (was that it?) the feeling was indescribable (though I was practically screaming and asking Aaron for help but stillllllllll) then pizza and kfc came and we watched Inglourious Basterds while eating. It was some NC16 show about Hitler and stuff. Super gory :S Then I left and Kor walked me down yay thanks for the handshake :)

Anywaaaaayyy, tmrw at this time (2:30pm) we'd all be in school waiting to collect our results. The first time I knew the confirmed timing, I was really freaking out. Like, I kept fiddling w my fingers and staring into blank space. Luckily I was chatting w Janice and we were both really going mad and I'm sure tmrw wld be worse. Mom even happily reminded me this morning and then laughed aft that ??????????? Does this make sense to you?????? HELLO

OK CHRISTMAS DINNER LATER BAI.

2009-12-16T07:12:00.001-08:00

2009-12-15T00:07:00.001-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA VAANI RICK V!

Wow, it's been 2 great years and I still rmb how we first became friends! Happy 17th babe, thanks for all the laughs we had. How you help me flag cabs, be there for me to text/call, record videos in your toilet, BEING PART OF THE HANNAMANDA SHOW, teaching me Tamil (and then laughing at my pronounciation) and not forgetting the Skype sessions we had while you were in Aust. Of course, words can never express how blessed and thankful I am for a friend like you. Know that results are freaking all of us out but take heart and trust that the creator of the stars is still in control. Remember that the girls, and myself will always be here for you!
Have the time of your life on your special day! Be a happy kid :) I love youuuu!

2009-12-14T23:31:00.000-08:00

All things pretty :)

2009-12-14T19:14:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOFU :>

2009-12-13T23:30:00.000-08:00

What if I was the last one hanging, would you still be there?

2009-12-13T20:32:00.000-08:00

Okay quick update, cos tuition's gna be like anytime soon now.

So ytd a bunch of us went to Seoul'd Out at Fort Canning! Like it was so spectacular! The mood just went up when T-Max came on. Went crazy when FTI was performing. Like srsly I cldn't believe they were there. Of course when everyone was snapping pictures of all the guitarists and Hongki, I was trying my best to take pictures of drummer Minhwan who was all the way at the back :<my camera was dying and I cldn't take my HD vids. Regret wasting the batt on the earlier perfs *slaps self* Nevertheless, I had a great time watching them perform. I found myself standing there and grinning like an idiot while everyone was busy snapping away. BEG was awesome and so was Abracadabra. Not a big fan of them so when they sang You Raise Me Up there were question marks all over my head. Last but not least, thank You God for the wonderful weather :-)

I will update w pictures either tonight or tmrw morning because ~~I'm~~ ~~forced~~ I have to go for this wedding dinner of this relative whom Idk existed tonight. Gg to all, I hope I have someone to text. (iwywhttmttagybo :<)

PS/ WHY DOESN'T MY BLOG SONG LOAD??????

2009-12-11T22:25:00.000-08:00

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things, I never thought that they’d mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you and I wish you were here

2009-12-09T20:36:00.000-08:00

Oh love in the shadows
Be the light who leads me on
You're love I will follow
Be my guide, Your will be done
(and I trust in Your perfect will, ever so much)

Okay I know I already blogged today but I'm just going to do it again. So I didn't go for tuition this morning because I felt worse! And like Momsie brought me to the clinic and thankfully I don't have a fever. I remember the last time I had one was before my prelims. Scared the shit outta me and I hated it. So yeah phew. But I have medicine to take now. Tablets, in fact. And I dislike tablets because I cannot swallow them. Haha noob much? I can't swallow tablets the size of a panadol. I have to cut them into half. But luckily I didn't get any huge ones :)

I don't remember sleeping so much before. All because the meds make me drowsy. (and I'm sure I'm gna sleep soon cos I just took them again) Today I cooped myself in my room because I am not allowed to go near Grandma. I felt kinda bad cos I ate dinner quickly and left the table and she was left eating alone. Sorry :( But it's been okay. I'm watching Family Guy to entertain myself. :)

Yesterday was awesome because I met up w my clique from Primary school! It was so good to see all of them again. :) Awkward at first but then we opened up after that. It was funny cos the guys kept conversing in Chinese and all I could do was laugh at how nonsensical/playful they were. All so ahbeng :O We have really changed so much and I'm praying we'll all do okay for N levels! Speaking of which, results are like next Saturday. :S

Idk why I've got so much to say but just let me blog alright. Haha. Christmas is coming and this is the first time I'm not spending it in Singapore. Such a bittersweet feeling cos I'll be away from friends and family. But on the other hand, I am pretty excited to go to Japan. The last holiday I went w my Family was to Australia in Sec 1?! Pops said we're gna go to Disneyland and I'm so happy about that. I rmb when I was 5 and I went to the Disneyland in L.A and took pictures w all the princesses. :) (haha it's every girl's dream!) It's gna be so pretty w all the Christmas decorations there. Time to be a kid again :) Oh and I am going to touch snow for the first time!!!!

Oohhhh I bought my 2010 schedule from Kikki.K already! It was $40 but it's sooo worth it (to me) Yknow I can stay in that shop for the longest time just walking in circles cos I want to buy everything in there. Here's how it looks like!

Sometimes I find myself counting down to 2010. But I guess I shldn't.
Because it's not our timing. But God's. Yes, it's worth waiting.
And in 2010, I will be happier.

2009-12-09T18:06:00.000-08:00

Always remember, never forget.

PS/ Happy birthday Minho! It's been long since I last spazzed over you but you're still my favourite. Always will be :) I've been waiting for this day since like forever and it's finally here. Happy 19th! I won't type everything here cos you can read my mind. We have telepathy. We're cool like that B-) Muak muak!